Grumpuss.

The monday musings of a crazy cat lady…

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Grumpuss.

I was watching The Simpsons. He strolls into the room and plants a squidgy bundle of sellotape and wrapping paper on the bed. I look up, eyebrow cocked, and he nods towards the parcel.

“Surprise.”

After unfolding the glitter-caked paper I am reminded of that moment in Sex and the City (yes I am a teenager of the noughties who was embroiled in the wonders of American cable sitcoms, bootleg jeans and RnB), when Trey brings home a cardboard baby for his wife, Charlotte, because they can’t conceive and he deems this an appropriate novelty substitution.

Inside the paper I find a cat. Not a real cat, but one stuffed with polyester and furnished with glossy plastic eyes that follow you to every corner of the room.

I am not saying we are ‘trying for a cat’. Unless you can call yearning after the endless snapshots of a Google image search for ‘Exotic Shorthair Kittens’ trying. But my boyfriend did bring home this cuddly toy grumpy cat because I am cat-broody and unfortunately, at this moment in time, without the real thing. Polyester and plastic will just have to do…

Leave a comment

  1. 16th March 2015 / 5:32 pm

    I think that the idea behind the gift was to discourage you from loving cats? Those bead eyes are spooky!

    • 16th March 2015 / 5:43 pm

      Hmm, perhaps an ulterior motive, although I do think the flash made him look spookier. I have to defend him, he’s the only pet/child I have…

      • 17th March 2015 / 9:54 am

        Oh my, and now I managed to offend your kid πŸ™ Please forgive me, I shall never again. Now I can see the cuteness of the kitty hidden under the flash-inflicted scary surface…

        • 17th March 2015 / 11:55 am

          All it takes is to stare just a little bit longer and delve just a little bit deeper… πŸ˜‰

  2. 16th March 2015 / 5:35 pm

    It’s the same way with me and dogs right now. Not allowed to get one so I have a stuffed one my ” chinese sister” our house guest for sometime, gave me. Nice story I like that you wrote something longer I’ve never seen you do that before πŸ™‚

    • 16th March 2015 / 5:45 pm

      Thanks! I’ve done a few longer pieces but they are few and far between, I keep meaning to do more. I’d love a dog too, perhaps that’ll be the next present he brings home… haha πŸ™‚

  3. 16th March 2015 / 5:38 pm

    This post really left me smiling, you are very lucky to have such a thoughtful boyfriend, AND a grumpy cat toy! I mentioned perhaps getting a pet rat to my mother the other day, but I highly doubt a real or cuddly toy version will be making an appearance in our house at any point in the near future…

    • 16th March 2015 / 5:47 pm

      You’re right, I should remember that I am lucky even in the absence of a real life cat! I had a cuddly toy rat once, my aunt bought it for me as a joke because I’d had to fish a disgustingly oversized rat from her pool in Spain when I was looking after her house. It terrified me, but I think they are mostly a misunderstood breed… good luck in your quest to own one, living or otherwise πŸ˜€

      • 16th March 2015 / 5:52 pm

        I think the grumpy cat will make a great companion! That’s an incredible and very funny story and makes me think of one of those hook a duck things at a fairground gone terribly wrong…I think they are too, apparently they’re very clean and friendly! Thank you very much πŸ˜€

        • 16th March 2015 / 6:00 pm

          That’s exactly what it was like! I had a very long fishing net but even that didn’t put enough distance between me and it, but I was warned by my Uncle I had to remove it otherwise it would clog the filter… very traumatic as a teenager staying in a house alone. I’ve heard they’re actually very clean too… I’ve also heard you’re never more than a few meters from one in London, so if you’re ever looking to rescue one… haha

          • 16th March 2015 / 6:12 pm

            I can imagine the experience scarring you for life, especially if you hear a noise or scratching sound when in charge of looking after the house in the dark, and alone…I think I might keep a look out if I’m ever in London – maybe only in pet shop windows though!

            • 16th March 2015 / 6:54 pm

              Again you’re thinking in the right direction… they had a westie dog, who, in the middle of the night went mad at the door, and ran into the garden, which was pitch black as they live in the middle of the mountains, and she would not stop wailing. When I found the rat the next morning I thought perhaps the dog had smelled it, but at the time I thought I was about to be greeted by some strange (and unwelcome) Spanish wanderer…

              • 16th March 2015 / 7:21 pm

                haha, you have extremely enjoyable stories to tell, I think you should definitely post these on your blog!!

  4. 16th March 2015 / 6:29 pm

    This was so funny! I am also looking to get a pretty kitty, but waiting til I get settled in my new apartment to do so. I asked for a kitten for Christmas and didn’t get one….my mom felt so bad she went out and bought me a kitten calendar as if to say that should suffice and hold me over til I get a real one hahaha so I know the feeling. Check out my blog if you get a chance πŸ™‚
    https://itsdollydarling.wordpress.com
    -Dolly

    • 16th March 2015 / 6:57 pm

      Oh noooo! That’s rather funny, a calendar is even further removed from a cuddly toy cat! I hope you (and I!) get to own a real life one soon… Thanks for visiting, I’ll take a wander over to you now πŸ™‚

      • 16th March 2015 / 6:59 pm

        Yes hopefully soon! We need that cuddly cuteness overload πŸ˜‰

  5. 16th March 2015 / 9:52 pm

    This is hilarious and I can totally relate to you with the Sex and the City references. I am glad I stumbled upon your blog. I hope that someday your cat dreams come true.

  6. 16th March 2015 / 9:52 pm

    This is hilarious and I can totally relate to you with the Sex and the City references. I am glad I stumbled upon your blog. I hope that someday your cat dreams come true.

  7. 17th March 2015 / 11:57 am

    How does your gorilla feel right now? Usurped.

    • 17th March 2015 / 1:21 pm

      He’s still as frown faced as ever. Perhaps they’re a match made in heaven. I’ve a veritable farmyard of inanimate animal souls to stifle with my attention in this place anyway, so I’m used to the motherly balancing act. (Can’t help but think how your comment might’ve looked to anyone that doesn’t have a clue what you’re talking about.)

      • 17th March 2015 / 7:35 pm

        I want a cat. No. I need a cat. ?

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