These two repulsive little creatures are part of today’s Writing 101 task: to write of a contrast between two things using dialogue…



Her lips were frosted with that pearlescent lipstick that women seemed to covet in the early nineties. The kind that they’d outline with dark liner to give their lips some extra pout. The days before collagen was just a reasonably priced syringe away. They moved like fish lips when she prattled. “Put your name on the top of the form. Fill in the questions and the doctor will see you when you’re ready.”

It was the speech of a robot. I ticked my way to question five.

Have you had a poor appetite or been overeating?

I looked over at Fish Lips. “What would you constitute as over eating?”

Her sickly pink fluffy jumper hugged her chubby arms and made her somewhat marshmallow like in appearance. She wasn’t the best judge of portion control.

“Who cares kid. Just tick in the middle.” She went back to reading her Real People magazine. Pages of relatable souls that had gone through terrible times. ‘I was 20 stone by the time I was 13.’ ‘I sold my baby for £25.’ ‘I was stabbed by my husband’s father’s brother in law’…

It was question seven this time.

Have you had trouble concentrating on things like reading the paper or watching the TV? 

Fish Lips was rustling in her desk drawers. She pulled out a toffee and started twisting the shiny wrapper with her globulous blubbery pink sausage fingers.

I stared at her until she looked up. Pools of toffee moisture had collected in the corners of those lips as she smacked them together with each chew.

“What kid?” She said through her caramel mess.

“Does pornography count? As watching TV?”

Her spidery eyelashes came together as she narrowed her eyes at me. She crinkled her nose and hissed “Vile creature.”

The final question, number nine.

Have you thought that you’d be better off dead or hurting yourself in some way?

Her lips were smooching louder as she poured a pile of toffees on her desk and shoved another into the load.

Again, I stared at her. “Does it count if I’ve thought that someone else might be better off dead?”

She stopped chewing and held her mouth open, a syrupy goo of saccharine and pearlescent lipstick.

I continued, “That I thought of hurting someone else?”

As I said it I noticed the gleaming red handles of a pair of scissors that were casually laid next to her pile of toffees.

Revenge is sweet.

Leave a comment

  1. 23 September 2014 / 6:50 pm

    Very good. I like the last line 2 paragraphs. Very creepy 🙂

  2. 23 September 2014 / 6:51 pm

    How excellent! I could see that nurse in my mind. Well done!

  3. 23 September 2014 / 6:58 pm

    Wonderful! Great descriptions and dialogue.

  4. 23 September 2014 / 7:01 pm

    This is great! Dripping with gooey satire indeed! I promise you I have dealt with nurses like this countless times- and no, I don’t think thoughts of thinking others are better off dead counts 😉

    • 23 September 2014 / 8:20 pm

      Haha, brilliant! I think we’d all be trying to prove our sanity if it did… :-S

  5. Andrey Lychik
    23 September 2014 / 7:03 pm

    That was very descriptive…and yes grim. From now on every time I see a toffee this image that you embedded into my mind will resurface haha! I don’t think I will ever eat toffees again. Aaaah those moist, saccharide defiled, smacking lips..I…can’t…stop..imagining..NOOOO..all that smacking and chewing in my head!

    • 23 September 2014 / 8:23 pm

      Haha now THAT was a good description, and I am very sorry if I have now ruined the humble toffee for you!

      • Andrey Lychik
        24 September 2014 / 1:38 am

        Ugh, I struggled with this one. Not very happy with it but at least it’s done.

    • 23 September 2014 / 9:44 pm

      Thank you Lorna, I was a bit nervous about this one!

  6. 23 September 2014 / 9:19 pm

    Oh those quick witted replies! That was amazing. 😀

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Deprecated: Directive 'allow_url_include' is deprecated in Unknown on line 0